When we found out we were having our first baby, we signed up for the Parents as Teachers Program (PAT) in our area. As a first-time mom, I was excited to read all the books, articles, and posts I could about parenting tips and what to expect. But the thought of having someone come and talk through those tips and advice for FREE sounded like an amazing opportunity I didn’t want to miss. This was one way to make sure I would have someone giving me great strategies and passing along knowledge to deal with the different phases of early childhood. If nothing else, it was a person to have an adult conversation with once a month—even if all the conversations revolved around parenting. PAT lists on the website that it is a “home-visiting parent education program that teaches new and expectant parents’ skills to promote positive child development…” I expected to learn some tips and new activities. What I didn’t expect was the gratitude I would feel for our in-home educator and what power a simple compliment can bring.

“You are a great mom. You are doing an amazing job.” These were the two sentences I took away from our most recent visit. The kids were busy at the counter mixing their homemade playdough and I doubt our educator realized the power of her compliment, but it meant the world to me. I fiercely try, as we all do, to be the best mom so to be recognized for my efforts in a job that pays in “I love yous” and hugs, but not many compliments, was special. I’m grateful for those compliments and for that visit. As mothers, the pressure of teaching another human being the right way to act, live, and learn can be a lot. And what is the “right way” anyways? Is it connective parenting? Is it gentle parenting? What’s the difference? Does that mean time out is bad? Cry it out? No, don’t let them cry it out. These questions and concepts can leave us feeling defeated and confused and above all just wanting to make sure we don’t screw up by picking the wrong strategy!

As mothers we try so hard every day to keep everyone’s schedules, to make sure everyone is fed and cared for, that the house is clean, and that everyone feels loved. Not to mention jobs outside of the family and home. Our brains are split into a million different directions. All day; every day. I was recently listening to the Goal Digger Podcast by Jenna Kutcher. She was discussing marketing as she does a lot. She and the guest were reviewing work, business, and traveling, but she said something that struck me. “Even when we are doing all these other things, we are still at our core, moms.” I’m not sure if this is the exact wordage she used, but you get the idea. That “mom list” doesn’t go away just because you are in a meeting, recording a podcast, writing a blog post, or visiting with friends. At a recent play date, one of my friends who doesn’t have kids was getting ready to leave and she noticed this brain split perfectly exemplified when she heard me say something to one of my kids in the living room while making a snack in the kitchen and telling another kid to turn the water off in the bathroom. She said, “I have a newfound respect for the multitasking a mom has to have and all the moving parts you have to keep track of at one time.” This was honestly a 30-second window of time as she was about to walk out the door and it has become so second nature to me, I didn’t even notice I was handling multiple things at once. So, to be acknowledged and complimented for a job well done was a powerful reminder of the importance of our role and the great job we are all doing!

I hope we can think about this the next time we are about to judge a mom for doing it differently than you or I might and maybe instead compliment her. After all, we are all just doing the best we can with the moments we are given. Sometimes the moments are tough and sometimes there are beautiful—either way, you may never know the true power your compliment might give a mom. During her moments of doubt or perhaps a moment of weakness when she loses her patience; she can think about the compliment and feel confident. Confident in her abilities as a mother. Confident that she is exactly the mom her kids were meant to have. As you head into your weekend, I want to tell you one more thing…

You are a great mom, and you are doing an amazing job!

The PAT visit ends with papers you can look through once the visit is over. This past visit had a “goals” sheet for parents to work on. It didn’t have anything to do with parenting, but your own personal dreams and goals. The bottom of the sheet said this, and I think we could all use the reminder sometimes—"Goals are like steppingstones. They can help you focus and improve your outlook, which will move your family forward in a positive direction.” As you head into the weekend being the amazing mom you are, think about goals or dreams for yourself and think of each day as a new day to keep moving your family forward in a positive direction.

For more information about the PAT program in your area, click the link below.

Parents as Teachers

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and as always, happy reading.