Goodbye 2023

I am reflecting on 2023 and looking at my previous vision board as I work on my new one for 2024. There are some things I’ve done well and some things I could improve on. There are some goals I’ve accomplished and some I’m still working towards. I’ve got big goals and plans, but if the end of the year taught me anything, it’s that the most important thing to spend your time on is family and friends. I want to leave my phone and social media behind back in 2023, but since I can’t do that 100%, I’m going to make the most of my quality time. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and sometimes I think we all forget that — because what happens at the end of the race? Well, the end of the race means it’s all over and I’m going to try to consistently remind myself to enjoy the journey instead of sprinting towards the finish line.

As I was writing tonight, Ella started crying so I went to check on her. She had dropped her piggy bank while trying to rearrange something on her nightstand. (Don’t worry, the piggy bank is now safely in her closet) My first instinct was to tell her to get back in bed and start picking up the coins. However, she was adamant that she wanted to do it all by herself. She can be a force of nature when she wants to be independent and by this point, it was an hour after she normally falls asleep so I said okay to avoid a proper meltdown. I sat there on the floor with her as she picked up one single coin at a time. At first, it was painful. I had things to do, and taking a look at how many coins there were and calculating how long one at a time might take was a bit of a struggle. As I gave her a bit of a nudge to keep going or I would have to take over, I took a breath and thought about a quote I had heard from a movie recently. Morgan Freeman plays God in the film and he says something along the lines of what if when you pray for patience, it isn’t just instant patience you get, but that you are put in situations that test that patience and make you put it into practice. There is more to it, but that’s the part that stuck with me because since becoming a mom I have prayed for patience daily. Two things happened as I slowed down. The first thing was that the pile of coins made me think of my, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” saying. This made me think about each coin being a little goal for my little girl and that what seemed like such a huge pile, one by one got smaller and smaller. Isn’t that so symbolic of our goals? They seem so big, but each consistent bite out of the chunk gets you one step closer. The second thing is that by slowing down and letting her do it, she started talking. She had a whole conversation with me about her brother’s piggy bank and about how he got a couple of coins stuck because he didn’t do it one coin at a time. It made me sad to think about what I miss when I am in a rush and want to get to the next thing…in this case, her head on the pillow and my fingers back at the keyboard. It’s funny what you pick up on when you are slowing down and paying attention.

I read somewhere recently about how you’ll never get this day back with your kids, with anyone obviously, but it hits differently when you think about your children. They will never be this size again. They will never laugh at these particular things again or fit in your arms the same way again. So, make sure to make the most of it. That’s what I want to bring with me into 2024. I want to study their little faces even more. I want to run my fingers along the crinkle between their eyebrows, belly laugh at the silly things they say, and squeeze them until they say, “Mommy!!! Let me go!” It is challenging to fully articulate what motherhood is like, but I am going to try…

The word “love” is not nearly strong enough to encapsulate all of the feelings associated with parenting. You want to teach them everything you can because you know someday they will be on their own, while simultaneously not ever wanting them to leave you. You want them to stay tiny babies that fit into your arms, but then realize as they grow you get to witness them unlock a little bit more of their magnificent personalities. Personalities that will someday blossom into the full person they are. Their smiles and giggles physically warm your insides and you tear up thinking about how lucky you are to get to witness such miracles every day. The fact that these miracles are a part of you is truly incredible. Pieces woven, you are infinitely linked together. You can’t remember what life was like before them, even though sometimes you miss the freedom you once had. Each day is a new adventure willing their little hearts and minds to grow and expand because even when they frustrate you, you can’t fathom your heart having the capacity to love more. Every day, multiple times a day, I tell my babies that I love them. And although they may get tired of hearing it; I will never get tired of saying it. As we finish our bedtime stories and say our goodnights, I ask Ella if she knows how much I love her and she always responds, “Sooooooo much.” I ask Tucker the same question as I wrap his covers over his shoulders and his response is always, “To the end of the sky, but there’s no end to the skies so you love me forever.” Exactly, my sweet little people…I love you so much, there is no end to my love for you—it goes on forever. Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of that four-letter word.

So, yes, I will be working on my vision board and goals for this year, but I will also be reminding myself to slow down. Consistency is the goal and it doesn’t have to be a lonely, fast-paced race to reach them. I am grateful to each of you for continuing to follow this journey. What are you hoping to leave behind in 2023? What are you hoping to gain or bring with you in 2024?

Have a wonderful weekend, and as always, happy reading.