Vulnerability
Today is my birthday! What better day than today to get a little vulnerable with you all…
Have you sat in your dark laundry room, cried to the hum of the dryer, silently whispered an Our Father and then taken a couple deep breaths to regroup? No, just me? Well, I’m guilty of it and I’m proud to admit it to you all because sometimes I think we think we must go at it alone. That we are the only ones that have a bad day. That we are the only ones that lose our cool and yell at our kids when we have reached that point. That we are the only ones that cry (in the laundry room or not) and maybe say a prayer. We aren’t alone in this, and I am trying to be self-aware enough and vulnerable enough to share this with you. To help you realize that everything you see online or every person you know that always seems extremely happy could be going through something you know nothing about. That sometimes #momlife feels like a #lonelylife. That instead of judging and comparing each other’s parenting we should show some grace because we are all out here doing the best we can with the tools we have.
There are some weeks I feel that I am crushing it. The kids are getting along. I have activities planned to keep us busy throughout the day. Bedtimes and naptimes go smoothly. I have done all my workouts and read at least 10 pages of a book a day and checked off my to-do list. Then there are weeks that I feel like I am failing. The kids don’t seem to be listening to me. I am tired. My patience runs slim, and tempers run tall. These are the weeks that call for a cry in the laundry room with some deep breaths.
My girlfriends and I have a group chat that we talk in daily. The other day one of my friends sent a message to the group and then deleted it saying she felt like she was being too negative. To which I replied, it’s okay to be negative sometimes and to vent. I proceeded to tell everyone that the night before I had to take a moment to myself in the laundry room and have a little cry. I think my friends appreciated my honesty and vulnerability so I thought you all might appreciate it too. We all must get it out somehow and to not acknowledge our emotions doesn’t mean they aren’t there; it just means we aren’t dealing with them. I am trying to make a conscious effort to help my children regulate their emotions, but to regulate the emotion, we first must accept their presence. It is okay to step away from a situation with your kids if you need to regain your composure. Honestly, deep breathing really helps me in an emotional situation, and I have tried to teach my son how to take a deep breath if his feelings are starting to get the best of him. I felt a huge parenting win the other day when we were in the car. Ella started to lose it and Tucker was trying to teach her how to take a deep breath and that it would make her feel better. She’s 1 ½ so she didn’t really understand, but I realized in that moment that what I have been saying to Tucker was starting to sink in.
With all the things we are trying to juggle between family friends and work, it is understandable that sometimes negativity or a sense of feeling overwhelmed can creep in. What is important is that we can recognize it and try to work through it. I recently heard the term “invisible load” used to describe all the things that women, specifically moms, handle day to day. So many things to take care of and I don’t know about you, but sometimes the list seems to get longer and longer. I just want you to know that I see you and you are doing an excellent job—even if you just got done having to walk away for a minute.
What strategies do you use when you start to feel overwhelmed? Does it make you feel better to express your vulnerable moments to friends or family, or do you keep those feelings locked up?
Lastly, if you are having a bad moment in your day and need a little pick me up listen to “Sunday Best” by Surfaces…I can’t put that song on and not smile—trust me!
