Ebbs and Flows of Friendship
I don’t know about you, but as I get older, I realize just how important my time is. Something that can really make me think and stop me in my tracks is changing the statement from, “I don’t have time” to “It’s not a priority to me.” How does that sit with you? It usually doesn’t sit well with me. When we realize that our time is valuable, we start to use our time in better ways. This brings me to the topic of friendship. I have talked before about how important it is to have friends to step away from the day-to-day and fill each other’s cups, but what about the friendships that seem to drain your cup? What about the ones you pour more into than you get in return? You are who you hang around, at least that was what my parents told me growing up—birds of a feather flock together, right? You want to make sure your flock is headed in the right direction. So maybe as we have gotten older, and grown as a person, evolved into the empowered women, and men, that we are—we’ve realized that not all relationships serve us in the potential of the person we want to become. We all need to remember to surround ourselves with like-minded people. People that bring joy, that are excited about our opportunities, that want to dream big right along with us, and of course be that shoulder to cry on when we need it.
Your village, your people, the ones that truly care and are deeply engrossed in your overall well-being will understand if you can’t take an hour-long phone call like you used to. Your best friends, even if they are on a different trajectory and in a different season than you, will understand when you have had a long day and that dinnertime was rough. They will understand that bedtime might be a battle tonight and you need those valuable moments with your partner afterward to reconnect—so regular wine nights might turn into a coffee date a couple of times a year right now. And you know what, the same goes for them. But the beautiful thing about true friends, the ones that fill your cup, they get it. Do you know what I love to do when I want a friend to know that I am still here and in their corner thinking about them? I love to write a little note and send it in the mail. Does it take a couple of extra minutes? Yes, but isn’t getting a card in the mail such an intentional way to spend your time? Your friend will be truly touched when receiving this and you will feel good having put your thoughts to paper. Try it the next time you are really wishing you could get together but can’t.
I hope as you’ve grown into the person you are, that your friends have grown too, that you have grown together. But it’s okay (and hard) to admit that there are friendships that may no longer be serving you. Check in with yourself after you are with friends. Do you feel empowered, fired up, and joyful, or do you feel depleted and drained? Ask yourself, can we continue to grow together, or rather, should we grow apart? As with life there are ebbs and flows for certain people, places, and things at certain times. The friendships or relationships could have been perfect for that time in your life, but perhaps you are in a different season—and I’m here to tell you that no matter what season you are in, it’s okay to set personal boundaries. It’s okay to say no to the event that you know you will dread the day of. Fill your schedule and fill your time with people and activities that bring you joy, and you will start to see that joy multiply. We only get one life, don’t waste it by wasting your time—because we don’t know how much time we have. The here and now is all we are promised so let’s promise to make as much of the here and now as joyous as possible.
Have a wonderful weekend, and as always, happy reading.
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