Find Yourself
Do you know what I love? Dancing to music in the kitchen while I make dinner. I become hypnotized in the rhythm of the music as I methodically move my spoon to the beat. Of course, my moments of solitude are periodically, and loudly interrupted by screaming kids chasing each other through the kitchen. I read once that you should make the tasks you must complete more enjoyable by shifting your perspective of the task. Change the wording from “I have to” to “I get to.” It has helped, hence the music while I cook. Who can hate a task while they are dancing and singing along? But sometimes, no matter how loud you turn the music up, dusting is still dusting, and our to-do list is still a to-do list.
My friend told me about a podcast that she liked called “HERself”. I don’t make much time for podcasts, not because I don’t like them, but there are things I enjoy more such as reading, writing my children’s stories and these blog posts. I guess I shouldn’t say “enjoy more” but there are things I make a bigger priority in my schedule than podcasts. When I used to have a commute, I listened to murder/mystery podcasts regularly! I had to take a step back from those after having kids though. When my husband would travel for work my imagination would run a little too wild! However, I was in the car alone for once the other day and decided to give “HERself” a listen. It was episode 139: Molly Millwood on Finding Yourself (August 1, 2022) if anyone is interested in listening on your own.
I tend to air on the more positive side so some of the outlooks and points didn’t one hundred percent align with my personality, but one thing I can wholeheartedly agree with is that parenting is hard especially in the beginning. It can be difficult to understand your new reality and identity as a mom who is needed 24/7, to accept that your shift doesn’t end. Being a mom is a job, the most important one you will ever have, but you don’t get to clock out or call in sick. Motherhood is rewarding. Motherhood is challenging. Motherhood is beautiful. But not all moments will bring us joy. There will be some struggle, but with the struggle will be love, so much love! What really resonated with me while listening to the guest on this episode, Molly Millwood—author and licensed clinical psychologist, was that as women we think we are the problem or that we need to change to make things better. She gave the example that most women she meets with in her practice say that their goal for their therapy sessions is to become more understanding and patient with their family. How can I be more patient? How can I be more understanding? I found this interesting because as women isn’t this so true. Instead of being more vulnerable and honest about what we need and asking for assistance, we think, what can I do to change instead of asking for help. Do you need more support around the house? Do you need a long bath and a glass of wine to recharge—say something. It might not ever be a 50/50 split in the household, but I promise it will feel more manageable if you say you need help and accept the help. The “how can I be more patient” really struck a chord with me. I can’t tell you how many times I have written in my journal, “Lord, please help me have more patience and understanding as a mother and wife.” The thing is that it takes a conscious effort to be patient and keep your cool when things go wrong throughout the day. (Insert my worn copy of Conscious Parenting of Your Toddler by Mihaela Plugarasu). So, I will continue praying for patience and understanding while acknowledging I can’t do everything myself and to accept help and even ask for it, as hard as that may be. I will also try to remind myself the whole burden isn’t just on me. That I can make a conscious parenting effort to be more patient and understanding, but also take some “me time” and ask for support.
I implore you to do the same. To take time doing something you enjoy so you can find yourself again. Being a mother is a gift, but it shouldn’t be a complete self-sacrificing gift given to our children. Our kids need to see us thrive and to do so we need to take time to care and nurture ourselves. For me it’s random get togethers with my girlfriends, 30 minutes of physical activity and having writing as a creative outlet. For you it might be an ice cream you don’t have to share or a walk around the neighborhood by yourself listening to your favorite podcast. Whatever it is that you need to be the best version of you—I hope you find it. And if you can’t do it yourself, find the beauty in being okay to ask for it. I will leave you with this from an article in the Magnolia Journal magazine (summer 2021 issue), “…if I could shift my perspective from what I’d envisioned as the end-all, I could more easily see the unexpected opportunities right in front of me…Because maybe the true purpose of being devoted to something isn’t found in how it ends, but in the way it takes shape—or even shaping us—along the way.” Motherhood is a journey that we are all devoted to, and it will shape us, but let’s all agree to devote some time to ourselves on this voyage as well.
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What do you do to “find yourself”? Do you need to work on accepting help or do you find it easy to just say what you need? What do you do for your me time? Can’t wait to hear about them in the comments! Have a great weekend!
Until next time, happy reading!
