Your Village
I recently had a meeting with a local children’s boutique to discuss the possibility of collaborating and having my book sold in their store. This is a very exciting opportunity, and I will share news on that soon—hopefully! But the meeting put me in a bit of a bind trying to find childcare. We always talk about how raising children takes a village. Those words never rang truer than the day I had the meeting and dropped my kids off at a friend’s house to have a little playdate while I worked. The meeting came about somewhat quickly, and I was unable to find a babysitter on such short notice. Even though I write children’s books I wanted to be professional enough to not have my children with me, at least not for our first meeting. My friend stepped in, and I will be forever grateful for the continuous support from my incredible village. Amazing women, each in their own unique way. I hope that my friends feel they can call on me when they need something, anything because that’s what friends are for.
Sometimes as we age, get married, start families—we lose sight of how important it is to nurture our friendships. Life gets in the way. We want to be 100% wife, 100% mom, but in the process of trying to be the best we can be for our family we forget how to be 100% us. Our new selves in this new role as “mother” changes us. Change isn’t bad and honestly no change = no growth and who doesn’t want to grow and evolve? But as we try to understand this new life trajectory, it sometimes feels like a fight to still be our old selves while knowing part of that old self is gone. That can be difficult to come to terms with. That is why it is so important to have something that is truly your own and to still find time for your friends. Obviously, with this mom life role comes changes in availability and a big lack of flexibility, but I urge you to still make time. Do you love to read? Find 10 minutes a day to read something by yourself. Do you love working out? Carve out the time; your family can survive 30 minutes without you, I promise. The other day around 4:30pm I got a text from a friend that said “impromptu happy hour tonight on the patio. Come even if it’s after bedtime routines.” Not all of us could come, but after doing the dishes while my husband took care of bath time and then working as a team to knockout the bedtime routine, I decided to go. I was inches from the couch and my latest novel, and the thought of a hot shower and early bedtime did sound quite appealing. I put my shoes on and went. I knew I needed a few minutes to get out of the house and spend a moment reconnecting with my village. It was more needed than I realized. I headed home feeling lucky. Lucky to have had a couple hours with women I love and the chance to refill my cup.
I don’t want to add more to your “to-do list,” but I do want your cup to be full. As I have mentioned in posts before, you can’t fill anyone else’s cup if yours is empty. The best part about true friendship is that our friends know as we try to navigate the landscape of life and be the 100% to everyone—sometimes you only have 75% or 50% to give. And true friends, I mean TRUE friends, will understand that and will still be there for you because one day when they are at 50%, you’ll return the grace and still be there for them. They say you are who you hang around and so my sincerest hope is that if you get nothing else from this post, your takeaway will be this—find your people. Women (or men) that encourage you, cheer you on, ask questions and listen to your answers. The people that have your back when you are in the thick of it, hold your hand when there are no words and fill your soul with light from the boisterous belly laughs radiating through the walls when you are together. The author Elin Hilderbrand has a line in one of her books, Troubles in Paradise, that says, “happiness is a butterfly that lands and then just as quickly flies away.” There will be things in life that we can’t control, but what we can control is who is by our side during the dark times. That is when I hope your people show up and that once you’re through the darkness you take a moment to show gratitude for how truly blessed you are to have amazing friends that bring the happiness butterfly, no matter how brief.
Some of my village, but I am truly blessed with so many incredible women in my life that aren’t pictured as well—you know who you are!
I love you and thank you for your friendship.
What is the most important trait that you look for in a friend? Do you feel like motherhood has strengthened your friendships or the other way around? And as a new Elin Hilderbrand fan, have any other books of hers that you want to recommend for my next read? Maybe we should start a book club!
Until next time, happy reading!
The book mentioned in this post is last in a series of three by Elin Hilderbrand and I thoroughly enjoyed them this summer.
Winter in Paradise
What Happens in Paradise
Troubles in Paradise
