The Stand-Off

“Be a coffee bean” – Damon West

I recently attended an event and Damon West, a personal development speaker, spoke to us about his mission to be a coffee bean. It seemed like an odd way to start a speech but starting it off by telling everyone he had served 7 years in a maximum-security prison might not have given the best impression. He has written two books about this concept, and I have linked them below. I haven’t had a chance to read them myself, but after hearing his dynamic presentation, I can’t wait to dig in. To put it in the briefest of contexts, in life, if life is a pot of boiling water, you can be one of the following things…

1. A carrot (soft and mushy – getting walked all over)

2. An egg (hard, unable to give or receive love)

3. A coffee bean (the water doesn’t change you; you change the water – aka turn the water to coffee)

Essentially, don’t let people or circumstances in life change you, you inspire change by being the coffee bean. Smile at strangers, be kind, make little adjustments each day in the right direction, and be intentional. Damon went as far as to say that each time he walks into a room, he sets an intention for the person he will be once he crosses the doorway. His intent is to be useful and carry out what plans God has for him. Having this presentation fresh in my mind, I came home inspired to keep my momentum going. To continue to smile and be the positive light that so many people so desperately need. I write this blog as a reminder to myself and to others that if we are intentional with our time and the people we care about, we will find beauty and joy all around us. If we focus more on what we are grateful for and less on what isn’t going our way, our brain chemistry changes, and we start to seek out more positive outcomes.

Matthew Kelly, a New York Times best-selling author, says in one of his books, Perfectly Yourself, just make the next right decision. And with that, I am working on setting my intentions throughout my motherhood journey and to be a coffee bean. In the morning when I say my prayers, one thing that I pray for is patience. “Lord, please help to remind me that my mood affects others. Please guide me to be the best mother I can be today and remember to be patient during the tough moments.” Does it always work? No, absolutely not, but it is something I work towards. If I set my intention each morning to be the best version of myself that I can be, then I’m more likely to succeed.

Ella and I recently went on a walk, just the two of us. It was a morning without any humidity, a nice breeze, and sunshine. We had just encountered a mom-daughter stand-off in the garage. She wanted to take the double stroller and I told her we were taking the single because it was just her. She refused so I told her we couldn’t go until she changed strollers. I told her to let me know when she was ready, and I went and sat on the step. It was a very quiet and slow 45 seconds until I heard the little pitter-patter of her feet running towards me. I asked her if she was ready to go on the walk and she excitedly said yes. Then I asked if she was ready to get into the single stroller (the true test of the stand-off winner ha-ha) and she said yes and raced to get in it. I guess it just had to be her idea. Power struggles are tough. Everyone wants to be right so badly. Not just with parenting, but it seems more and more in life too. So many differing opinions from politics to motherhood. I’m sure some of you reading this decided a couple of sentences in that you would have handled my little stroller scenario differently and I respect that. Even my husband would have handled it a little differently, I’m sure. The awesome thing is, we get to decide. We get to choose how we handle the tough things, and we can choose to do so respectfully.

Motherhood is a rollercoaster. There are some high highs and low lows. Things are always changing. You feel like you get a certain phase figured out and then suddenly that phase is over, and you must pivot! I know deep breaths and prayers seem like a simple fix for the power struggles and toddler emotions, but it has helped me tremendously (especially the deep breaths). Will I handle the next toddler stand-off with as much patience as the stroller situation? Maybe not, but I will continue to try my best as I know you will too, or you wouldn’t be reading this. As we head into the weekend, may we all think about the power of a coffee bean and set our intentions to keep doing the “next right thing.”

Read - “Love in the Every Day’s”